I’ve been back home for a couple of days, lounging on my ass playing skyrim. Then it hit me today that my time is limited and I need to work. After that you’d think that I’d start going through those art books I found trying to get better. Nope I spent the day reading Fear Agent (Great comic by the way), and acting like a sad sack because I didn’t do great on finals. Of course the reason I didn’t do well on finals can be easily fixed by drawing more, but I don’t feel like drawing because I’m sad. Now that I type this out, it’s really fucking stupid. I sound like an overly dramatic teenager, well that was a waste of a day. I’m also finding it difficult to come up with a good journal name today…. well.
My inferiority complex, and my naturally curly hair. I’m sure that’s why I’m not a hit with the ladies.
Finals always worry me I think I might be slowly killing myself with all this worrying. I think I’m just tired of feeling like i’m the worst artist in the class. Maybe I am, Maybe as it stands right now I’m not cut out for this. But I will be, I have a three month summer, and I’m going to work. Every day I’m going to draw, any free time i get will be used to practice my art. I’m going to be an all A student by the start of next year. When I look back at this journal i want to remember how shitty I felt today, I’m going to fix this!
Once again I’m taking a break from finals to write my journal. I figure i should get as many as i can out before I go home and hermit. Because let’s face it at that point I’ll be completely uninteresting. Hell even now i’d consider these fairly boring, I just don’t have that much to write about I guess. Hopefully once next year rolls around i’ll have plenty to bitch, and complain about to the nobody that reads this. Oh well maybe i’ll have something interesting happen tomorow.
Finals at art school, what can I say other than, what is sleep and how do I acquire it. Seriously I’ll kill for it if you tell me too. In the end though finals are fun I mean I get to do a 3 page comic, a fight scene in storyboards. and a research paper on dissociative identity disorder. Oh and get my sleep schedule so fucked up that I slept for damn near 16 hours starting at three in the afternoon on Friday. I also woke up today in a panic thinking it was Sunday and that I had a research paper due tonight at midnight. Then in my panic I realized I had eaten nothing, other than a single peanut I found in my backpack, since the day before at breakfast. So I rushed to the cafeteria grabbed a plate and started to scarf down food like I was a whale eating plankton. Until a friend walked up and said “So Saturday not treating you well huh?”. Then I sat in awe as a realized, my time perception is awful, and that i had 48 hours to go. Now I’m wasting time writing a journal. Maybe it was better when i thought i had a day?
Social awkwardness, let me start this by saying that i’m not completely socially awkward, I’m selectively socially awkward. In the end though I can’t seem to find the selection tool. I only really start acting awkward when i find a woman cute, or otherwise attractive. It’s honestly kind of bullshit and the sad thing is I realize it. I’ve been trying to change but in the end every time I walk up to a girl I find attractive with the intent on saying hello, and striking up a conversation. I end up saying hello twice, mumbling something, and making my way to the soda fountain behind her. I just wish I knew what to do about it, in a way to fix it. In the end though I do know what to do, I just don’t want to deal with everything that comes with fixing it. I guess i’m just afraid. Afraid of being rejected, or finding out that someone might not like me, or that it might ruin any chance of friendship I had. It’s a petrifying fear, and it’s really annoying. Much like my fear of the number 2… OH GOD THERE IT IS!!!
Public Journal 1
1:17 on a….. tuesday at this point I guess.
People, I’m not going to go so far as to say I don’t understand them. I do I just can’t understand some of the things people put themselves through, or some of the things they do. For example today a friend of mine had a one page comic to do, and because of a mixture of bullheadedness and little bit of idiocy, they started over completely. Mind you this is all after they had finished what looked to be around half of it. I just can’t bring myself to understand stuff like that. It’s not like I don’t empathize with them, I can empathize just fine. It’s just some of things that people say and do just seem really pointless to me. It seems like a pointless gesture to scrap an entire project because of one misplaced line. This feeling of not understanding people tends to be a common feeling to me, I don’t think that’s a good thing. Wow first pulic journal and i’m rambling. I guess that’s it for now. I’m going to go eat some fritos.
Hello, I don’t really know what I want to do with this, or if anyone will ever read it at all. As it says above this is a public journal, but I don’t know what criteria i’m going to set forth for myself. Will I only put things pertaining to one subject in here? Probably not that would be all to boring. Or will I post everything, like brain diarrhea. That might work, less gross sounding hopefully. Either way I just don’t know. Maybe i’ll just post my personal journal for a while and see if that works, hell this might replace my personal journal all together. Anyway I hope writing a public journal is as therapeutic as I’ve heard, and maybe a little bit fun in the end too.